There's a certain technique to create the perfect chest. That's Hooter's Lesson Number One. It's not written anywhere in the Hooters handbook, though, it's a secret lesson among Hooter girls.

At first, duct-taping my chest seemed to be the most ridiculous concept I could ever imagine. But that was merely the beginning. After taping and squashing my chest together until I had a flattened, compressed bust with a huge line of cleavage popping out of the middle, I learned how to apply makeup to create the illusion of shadow. Picking the proper shadow color was a mission in and of itself: I usually went with a caramel-coffee or mocha shadow. Some girls fared better with charcoal or purple. And don't even get me started on using ankle socks to fill out my bra. After learning all these steps, I understood why some girls got implants just to avoid the 15-minute ordeal.

It all started the summer of 2003 when I left my sunny California house on the beach to get a job in the east coast humidity before I went back to Syracuse for another school year. After being quickly rejected by many restaurants, somehow, my application wound up at Hooters.

I got an interview on the spot, but that's no big score because the so-called "Cure for the Common Restaurant" gives every female applicant a preliminary interview. I guess my chest wasn't set properly (I lacked a padded bra and sexy outfit at the time), so I wasn't called back.